Experts in communication have instructed people to say the most important thing first so the other person hears it. It seems our society has developed methods of adapting to this flaw in us.

The reason most people want to speak so soon is because their mind is so hyper-active that it cannot wait to jump in and contribute. The end result is that most everyone who are trying to say something feel totally unheard. This leads to a disconnection in our human interactions and a discord in our relationships.

I have called this post Learn To Pause because that is the way to break this viscous cycle of non-communication. When we take the time to pause while another person is talking we become fully present with that person. This makes that person feel heard and does wonders for their self-esteem.

This pause for us gives us the time to fully process what the other is saying and we are then more fully prepared to formulate an appropriate response. A response that is not reactionary but rather one of question and wonder helping to deepen the conversation.

The way to develop the pause is to consciously take a very relaxed breath while listening to another. Meditation is another way of developing this pause naturally. Using the pause during your conversatons with others will improve your ability to communicate. When you develop the pause the effect you have on others will cause them to be better listeners as well.

You will have to be comfortable with some people judging you to be slow but the majority of others will consider you deep and insightful.

Enjoy the PAUSE

It is all a matter of balance really, give and take, positive and negative.  Because opposites attract, most couples are made up of a giver and a receiver. It is not anyone’s fault really because in the world we live in there has to be both.  It is impossible to be a giver if there were no takers to receive and a receiver would not have anything to take if there were no givers.

Most marriages that are troubled have these giver and receiver roles firmly fixed. In marriages that are happy, these roles will fluctuate between the partners regularly, depending on where the need is greatest.

Where does most of your energy go during a normal day? It can be quite exhausting to give constantly without ever spending time to recharge. More and more there are people who run themselves down trying to make things work only to have their health suffer in the long run. 

There are a lot of people who complain about partners who do not provide what they need. It seems to me that in order for a giver to get what they need, they have to first accept that they are poor receivers.

In order to be a good receiver it is imperative to be open to receive. If your first instinct is to dive in to help a situation then you will have the furthest to go. The best place to start is to relax into allowing people to do things for you.

There are many decadent things one can do to pamper oneself. massage, spa treatments, holidays alone, to name a few. The grand thing is there is no need to go to such lengths unless these things appeal to you. If you simply change your thinking from having to be in control of everything to just allowing things to happen you will begin to notice your world changing before your eyes.

The key to being open to receive is simply to be.